YOU MINE WHAT IS MINE

“Kon langit ang atong kab-oton, nganong yuta man ang atong kutkuton?” (Leofe Calongo, 9 years old)
(“If we aim for heaven, why do we dig the earth?”)

The CBCP Monitor called my attention one day;
“Bishop Sued for Libel after Exposing Mining Anomalies”
Reading closely…Oh! OUR bishop, a priest, and lay advocates in our diocese
grabbed the headline…on the very front page!

Wow, real advocates of the cultural and environmental concerns,
I salute them!
Could this be the reason, then, why I CHOSE to write an article about mining?
Well, why not? After all, the advocates and the concerned ones belong to my diocese, so how could I not…
Yet, there’s a deeper reason…

But the fact that I don’t have a firm background on mining and its laws;
And the fact that I don’t have any concrete contact with the Subanons and their affected place;
How, then, could I write a reliable and experienced-based article?

What basically moved me, then?
I believe it lies on the essential commonalities that we share;
From that, flow the other reasons:
Such great values such as love, compassion, empathy…

The basic truth lies on our being humans: I, too, cry as they do.
I was not there but I, too, have been living in a home securely planted on earth and water.
I was not there, but I, too, am embraced warmly by my culture and enjoy my rights.
How, then, could you not feel cold and empty when someone strip you naked?
Their stories are my own stories too!

Ok, let’s start in the courting process;
A process wherein mining companies and miting de avance commonly share:
Benefits like employment, education, healthcare and community projects;
Well, nice start ah!

But, imagine how terrible will it be when the sweetness gradually gets lost from a sugar-coated bitter root:
Behind employment is the rigid selection and arrival of commercial mining
which continuously reduces the number of manpower;
Low paid jobs go along with long laborious hours, with less or no benefits at all;
And let’s not forget the great danger of accidents, illnesses and disasters…whew!

Behind projects lay smuggling, seizures of lands, and deforestation in the construction of infrastructures;
Developments of businesses even lead to vices, gambling, drunkenness, and prostitution.
Degradation of cultural values…then, where is education?

And the most visible long-term regrettable impact points to the health and environmental corruption:
Removal of vast amounts of earth clears forests and farms; destructs clean water source system;
Improper acidic waste disposal leads to the pollution and eventual death of aqua-food farms and clean air.
In a country wherein livelihood depends mostly on agri- and aquaculture,
the serious environmental destruction coupled with the risk of health problems,
disastrously lead to a gradual decrease of earning money – their traditional economy.
“How, then, can we be able to cope with our children’s education?!”

And, didn’t we talk about ‘seizures of lands’ a while ago?
The Subanons, who occupied the land for centuries, are now the ones struggling to get their domain back.
Big-scale mining operations have aggressively trespassed their ancestral realm!
A tiny, abundant vegetable farm bulldozed into a raw and naked earth…an open pit mining;
Dislocated and relocated…but into houses like squeezed and constricted chicken dens.
Now, compare it to officials’ concrete houses…guess who’s got the gold?

Then comes ‘persecution’ (highlighting the experience of the Subanons in their place in our diocese):
Injury after injury, tortures and bruises after demolition of houses…
No court orders, thus, trespassers!
From threats to gunshots; food blockades and confiscations TO spikes on footpaths in forests;
Armed forces and militarization OVER the peace-loving Subanons
Then Jesus said, “Have you come out with swords and clubs to arrest me as though I were a bandit?” (Mt.26:55)

In such danger of land-loss, the Certificate of Ancestral Domain Title (CADT) was granted to them.
Hence, the right to manage their own forests…the land as their own, for them, “a chance to heal…”
In our folks’ demands for the recognition of their cultural rights,
emerged the 1997 Indigenous Peoples’ Rights Act (IPRA) saying that,
Before “exploration and extraction…the whole community must be informed and
agree to the decision…otherwise…a project cannot proceed.”

But what made such companies so aggressive, exploitative and confident in continuing mining operations despite petitions?
Well, how could any foreign company be not attracted to the benefits of the 1995 Mining Act of RA 7942:
100% ownership, 81,000 hectare claim over an area for 50 years; 10-year tax holidays, etc., whew!
So, going back, despite Subanon’s rights, agencies of the Philippine government still support the mining companies more than the locality…Ehem!
Inquirer article says, “Palace: No to Mining Ban”. Ahh, that’s why!

Oh, so heavy for our brothers and sisters to carry…
With that, some of them lost hope.
Pressures and poverty led them to sell their lands or get employed in the company.
Even clearly bitter is the tactic of dividing the tribal folks by making fight and argue against each other.
BUT, DESPITE THAT, THERE ARE STILL MANY WHO CONTINUE TO HOLD ON TO THE FIGHT!

And what is striking is that, the role of the Church makes a great impact in their lives…
DIOPIM (Dipolog, Ipil, Ozamiz, Pagadian, Iligan, and Marawi) Bishops and Clergy affixed their signatures
to maintain their stand, support the cause of the Subanons, and appeal for truth and justice.
For many poor people turn to them to express their grievances and seek relief from their distress
the mining activities have destructively inflicted on them.
In coming to their help, our advocates, in turn, faced a libel suit initiated by the Canadian mining firm, for such exposé.

Yet behind their backs come a firm stand and support from our bishops and clergy,
And I could not help but quote it!
“This situation is not far from the experiences of our fellow countrymen all over the country who are subjected
to different harassments just to silence them while advancing their aggressive, destructive, and exploitative
mining operations of transnational companies. We condemn the curtailment of freedom to express what we believe to be the TRUTH.”

“YOU MINE WHAT IS MINE!” a Subanon father and farmer cries, “they ‘owned’ my land!”
“YOU MINE…the last of our land; my agriculture, hunting and fishing livelihood; my sacred and safe place and ancestral settlement!”
“YOU MINE the security and future of my children! YOU MINE my traditional cultural customs and human rights!”
“This place is prepared for us by GOD…He had given it to us to live on and to care for.
This is central to the meaning of our life and culture as Subanons.
It is difficult for a foreign mining company WHO ARE NOT PART OF THIS PLACE to understand this.”

“Kon langit ang atong kab-oton, nganong yuta man ang atong kutkuton?”
If you aim for glory and riches, why do you have to disturb our peaceful, secure and sacred life?

The children themselves cry, “Madame Gloria, please listen to our views!”
May the glory that we seek resonate with your name!
“Tangtanga una ang bulawan nga gibitay sa imong dalunggan, aron imong madunggan ug ikaw mobati sa panawagan sa kabataan.”
(Remove your golden earrings that you may hear and empathize with the pleadings of the young.)

“YOU MINE WHAT IS MINE!” is also my cry;
If worldly and materialistic “miners” dig and own the gold, nickel, and copper treasures of my soul.
If I don’t grasp and defend the promotion of truth, justice, and be bothered by the ecological threat,
my life will then become a barren, wasted, and polluted land.
And from it, will the souls of those who drink by my stream be in real threat and danger.

See how the Church becomes a warm bosom for those who are in the cold.
Then I see myself…my present life…my future ministry…what shall I do then?
I believe that the nourishment of truth must start from within me – be firmly grounded
in Christ as “The Way, The TRUTH, and The Life”.
From there then flows an advocacy…a firm conviction to stand for such truth and security
which people seek and rejoice in glory with me till the end.
Stand for the TRUTH…Care for the EARTH!

A child whispers in humble prayer:
Lord, intawn kami sud-onga ug pamati-a, mga kabataan kanimo nangaliya,
Pugngi ang hulga sa among kaugmaon, apan dili ang among pagbuot ang among tumanon, kon dili and imoha gihapon.
(Lord, please look upon us and hear us your children, we implore.
Suppress the threat to our future; yet it’s your will we desire, not our own.) AMEN.



leonilo a.dagpin, jr.
february 2006
year of social concerns


Meet my companions…the advocates:
Letter of Concern and Appeal by the DIOPIM Bishops addressed to Hon. Clare Short, British Parliament, UK
Letter of Concern by the DOPIM Bishops and Clergy
Breaking promises, making profits: Mining in the Philippines (A Christian Aid and PIPLinks report, 2004)
Newsletter DIBALUY, published by DIOPIM Committee on Mining Issues, June and November 2006
A cartoon/comic entitled, “Dinagkong Pagmina Kinsay Mabulahan?” by JPIC Columban-Mindanao and MASIPAG-Mindanao
“MINA, TVI OPERATION?” a poem by Leofe Calongo, 9 years old from Jose Dalman, Zamboanga del Norte

for a debutante

You’re a woman now Mary, not anymore the sipunin little girl your mama and papa used to know. And I know you have your million wishes now for your birthday. God may have set time for each of your wishes; He may grant them now and delay some for your future. But I believe that a simple “Thank you!” to the Lord for all that had been, for giving you another year of life and love, and for all that will be in the future – is more than enough, more than any wish you could ask for. Start with a simple “Thank you!” Mary. For from a simple yet heartfelt “Thank you!” to the Lord, I believe, every good thing follows.

And with that, I also thank the Lord for giving me not just the opportunity to be here in your party, but most of all, for giving me the privilege to know you and get close to you personally.

For your Mama and Papa: You know what Sir, Maam, your daughter is a very lovely and sweet friend. You never failed to raise her and made her into the real WOMAN you wished her to be.

Mary, you may not be that slim as you might wish you should have been. You may not be that perfect. But always remember, as the book entitled “The Little Prince” says, “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” For Jesus, you will always be His precious and favorite little sister. For me, you will always be the same sweet Mary I will always treasure (in my heart). Continue to smile; and never forget to pray. We love you Mary. Happy birthday young woman!

"KINSAYGALUTO ANI?!"

“KINSAY GALUTÔ ANI?!”
(“Who cooked this one?!”)

“Kini moy sabaw! Kinsay galutô ani?!”
(“This is the best soup! Who cooked this one?!”)

It all started when Fr. Manol uttered these lines during my birthday celebration last December. From that time on, this has been the language we used to make fun with every time the famous and all-time favorite seminarians’ menu halang-halang (very very hot and spicy native chicken meat in large volume of coconut soup) is served during coffee breaks and birthdays in our GY community.
Just exactly one month after the event, Ate Myrna, one of our “dieticians” (the other “dieticians” include Ate Venus, SJVTS Formators, Ate Eva, Ae Jopay, Retreat Directors, Tatay Mat, Fr. Nilo, Ate Inday, etc.) on the 3-month (and more) Transformative Pastoral Leadership Training Seminar (TPLTP), brought in a “kolon” (pot, palayok) with a hope and promise of a menu that will not just match the mouth-watering halang-halang but will even be more delicious and will even go beyond its usual and common flavor. With her was the distinguished “nutritionist” Archbishop Tony who provided all the “nutrients” (presence, hope, all-out support, resources, etc.) needed for a healthy “go, grow, glow” (integral) ministry. Inside the “kolon” were us, the Galileans on to a menu that will hopefully turn hungry stomachs heavy and full. Inside the “kolon”, they made us see how the first months of this formation year allowed the “meat” to be put to the painful yet worthwhile boiling water of the Psycho-Spiritual Integration (PSI), Hospital Ministry, and Family Dynamics Seminar in order to soften and cook the hard and raw “chunks of meat” in us. And through the 30-day Retreat, the Master Chef made us realize that every ingredient in us, even before we were born, was purposely, worthily and carefully picked from the choicest crops organically fertilized with His love and grace.
Then, the “meat” started to soften. It was time to open up the “taklob” (cover). However, it still lacked a lot of flavor. It needed the appropriate (pagpahaom) spices of prayer, people, and experiences in our urban and rural immersions in order to integrate (pagpatibuok) with the meat’s flavor so that those who would taste it will be able to share (pagpa-ambit) with others in the broad (pagpalapad) wide world that once in their lifetime, a taste of its soup penetrated deep (pagpalalom) into the core of their bones that will make them exclaim, “Kini moy sabaw! Dili parat!…Kini moy pari! Sakto’ng lider!” (“This is the best soup! It has the exact salt!...This is the best priest! He’s the exact leader!”)
“Asa man ni gilutô?” (“Where is this cooked?”) “Where else?” In the “kolon”, the Galilee Year (the re-structured SHuPfy) which is firmly put on top of the “sug-ang”, the SJVTS, that is determinedly planted on the same ground-soil where squatters and subdivisions also stand.
And beneath all these, the Holy Spirit who constantly burns firewood to maintain the heat of the soup guides the “luwag” (ladle), Fr. Manol, that in his slow, still, and serene “pag-ukay” (mixing), those who would taste it could not help but irresistibly ask, “Kinsay galutô ani?!”

Well…WHO else? Thanks to the Master Chef! Thanks to the “kolon”!



leonilo a. dagpin, jr.
03.10.09

"I GOT MY COIN BACK, GET ALL MY BILLS!"

Allow me to share with you, instead of a usual synthesis write-up like the others, what I, as the assigned sharer of the day, cordially expressed during the 6 AM Mass last March 14, 2009 at the GY chapel. I simply just couldn’t contain the overflowing wisdom and goodness of the Lord how He was able to harmonize, through me, my GY experiences (to name one: my recent family transformation experience) and the parables of the Lost Coin, the Lost Sheep, and the Prodigal Son in Luke 15: 1 – 32. For me, this was more than just a synthesis; this was the Father’s way of “celebrating the feast” with me and His friends after the “lost” had gone home. The “celebration” just could not control my quivering lips all throughout my conveyance of God’s message in the presence of Fr. Manol and GY buddies...

Good morning Pads! Bros!

Allow me to share with you one awesome and heartwarming effect the GY formation has caused me to rejoice. Before the Family Dynamics Seminar and Family Day, we (my parents and I) thought Manoy was the prodigal son, the lost coin, the lost sheep. It was after the activity that we realized we were the lost coins, the lost sheep, the lost sons and the older brother. Rigidity was one why we “left” him. And through Fr. Nilo, we were led to realize that “there’s more than engineering…there’s more than mathematics…” in Manoy. As to the story, there’s more than the son’s prodigality, extravagance, sins. And so when we came back “home” to Manoy as he was, as my brother, as their son “beyond his being a pastor”, then God, the ever patient and loving Father (as with the story) ordered a feast! And we really celebrated and enjoyed that feast! That was during the recent Christmas and New Year celebration. Yes, all our past Christmases were joyfully celebrated, but the recent Christmas and New Year was so different; even before the seminar I thought, “This will be a different Christmas and New Year holiday”. And it indeed was! So different and marvelous that I was and am sure I would never forget such moments in my whole life. For last Christmas, that was the first time me and my little brother, with the savings that we had, bought a quality guitar and offered it as a surprise gift to Manoy, to our idol. And that was the very first time we expressed, through the greeting card, the very words, “We love you ‘Noy!” And during the New Year celebration, we were again together after almost 7 years of being incomplete. Though he’s still on the process of recovery and rest now (in our small hut by the farm, an hour away from home, as his specialist recommended), he really has changed a lot, and is getting more deeply happy, peaceful and serene now, like the father, after we went “home”. And for the very first time too, we were able to meet the incoming year with a very solemn and emotional prayer period in front of our old altar, instead of the usual bangs of fireworks and tinkles of coins. Though Manoy didn’t yet join the prayer session (he was just seated on the back listening), what struck me the most was the transformation that happened in the content of each of our prayer: It was not anymore about “May Manoy be finally home with us…”, but instead, words of thanksgiving and imminent hope for finally bringing Manoy back, “Manoy’s back! Though not yet totally, but in the deepest core of our hearts, he’s back and even more!!!” And for the very first time too, in my whole 25 years of existence, we finally had a picture portrait where we were complete as a family (you just don’t know how it was not that easy for us to do such thing before). How happy we were, that few days after the unforgettable event, a large framed picture was already hanging on the very wall of our house. And in my Friendster site, the pictures were already posted, too proud and gratuitous for the whole wide world to see, give thanks to God and convey hope. Through the seminar, the “older brother” in me, in mama and papa was pleased by the Father and soon was led to truth, understanding, acceptance and enlightenment.
In connection with that, yesterday, before lunch time, as I sat down inside the chapel for the regular Consciousness Examen, tears just flowed; I got so emotional as I recalled the series of events that had happened the past week. I could not believe how I was able to make, write, and finish a lot of things in just one whole week; it was just so spontaneous: the editorial thing, editing a GY article for the Tulay publication, filling up the appraisal forms, the program plan for summer, the song and lyrics for last night’s BEC Night…all of them were successfully and marvelously prepared! And what was unbelievable was that, as I was making all these things, “These I do for the GY” was the spring board, was always evolving in my consciousness; not for the self anymore, yet I was so very happy! And what made me even got more emotional was when, with all those awe-inspiring things in mind and heart, I finally expressed to Jesus during the colloquy, “Lord, when I do things according to the talents you bestowed upon me, wala na untay modayeg nako for my own sake…Naa na nako ang ‘coin’ Lord! I already have the ‘coin’ Lord. I already have found my ‘coin’ back. I have found my self-esteem back Lord after the Hospital Ministry. My inner child has returned back Lord after the PSI. I have found my worth and self Lord after the 30-day retreat. I have my family back Lord. I have found back and deepen my perspective in dealing with the poor through the Urban and Rural Immersions. Naa na nako ang ‘coin’ Lord! And I am willing to give all the rest in me. This I do…all for GY…all for Your Church!...not mine! Never will it be for my own sake anymore. Payts na ni Lord; through the ‘coin’, I could already feel your love and grace!” I constantly hope and pray that as I go home from GY, wherever I go, whatever I do, my actions would let the people remark, “He has indeed celebrated after the lost in him had been found and recovered.” Celebrating…meaning: Doing what one, who has undergone the GY formation, must do wherever he goes…
From the family that was transformed, a leader was gradually formed…he bridged a gap…he’ll still be bridging other gaps soon…
Then, he put his right hand in his pocket. He brought out from his pocket a “coin”. Gazing absorbedly on the “coin”, slowly, he smiled; his face brightened. Then he slowly raised his head…and his eyes…looked intently on a direction, on a horizon. There, just nearby, were his friends…waiting, the 99 sheep are waiting, the Father and the older brother are waiting…
Now, with the “coin” he’s holding, the leader is ready to celebrate…


leonilo a. dagpin, jr
03.20.09

FIRST TIMES, THE BEST TIMES!

FIRST TIMES, THE BEST TIMES

Without them, God, my life, the retreat, my family, and my trials that went with them, I couldn’t thank Him this way…this great! This was the realization that suddenly flashed into my being few minutes after I sat on the chair of the bus and left home. This kindled a smile on me; just couldn’t measure how happy and thankful I was that time, as I reminisced on my seat the memories I had since the Family Dynamics seminar until the moment I stepped into the staircase of the bus. How could I not bear a smile and a light heart when in the very first place, my family was a very great part of the unconditional WORTH He made so clear to and with me during such a 30-day experience! And it was through the very presence, the very faces, and the very ever commendable simple actions, the very soft and heartwarming words of the Holy Family! It was so memorable that I couldn’t help but shed a tear or two every time I remember such intimacy even during the other day’s Mass.
And so came the 5th week, the longest week of the exercises. And this time, the focus was the family. With them, the week had set my time for the application, for the renewal of license, for the constant firewood to continue my heart to burn with love and grace. The presence of a professional like Fr. Nilo was so great and remarkable. His presence was a gift for me. For he managed to accompany me and made me see, discover, and realize, for the first time in my life, the deepest realities of my clan, specifically my family, particularly my parents. It was a big, “Ahh...that’s why!” I salute him! Then they arrived, 3 days later. It was the right time, the perfect schedule, and the best venue; for when I already had been packed with a wide scope of awareness and taught with a heart-full way of approach, I was then ready to face a difficult and sensitive task in the midst of them. In fact, I was troubled and worried starting the day before the exchange of hearts. Yet, I never ceased to submit of God all that will happen in the light of His ever-guiding will. And during my pre-sharing prayer moment, while I was on the chapel reflecting upon the series of events that had happened since the beginning of GY, I really felt a different, dawning-joyful beat of my heart; another first-ever experience to happen in my life – that this coming Christmas and New Year will be a different season for me and my family; I could sense it! It was a fire starting to blaze in our hearts and there’s a lot of firewood to flare it up!
Indeed, it was! The warm and affectionate sharing we 3 had was a very good and promising start. Embraced by prayer, feelings were poured out, joys and sentiments were expressed. I opened up mine: My joy and gratitude, my sorrows and sins that caused them pain, my emotions in behalf of my brothers, and a prayer-full, heart-opening sentiment that loosened up rigidities in them. They, too, opened up their hearts: Preliminary justifications were soon transformed into a humble acceptance and eager desire to revive what was lost in our family. How light, loosened, and free was the feeling we had after the sharing! That was the first time ever! And I thanked God for it! “This will truly be a different Christmas when we get home!” I thought. We ended up aware of each other’s orientations, backgrounds and resolutions. They understood me; I too even much understood my mama and papa. The theory (modules, inputs, seminars we had since the beginning) and the application (sharing period with the parents) finally met in my heart; they will walk together from this time on, for the rest of my years.
And this time, after confronting prayerfully the issues from within ourselves, from the roots, we became a team – then it became an avenue for us to move on to extend our united hands and hearts to the rest of the family: to Manoy, in particular. We, them, agreed and came up on a schedule when to have a family prayer session together with him; and the date was on the ever-memorable December 25. I personally suggested such date and activity because I myself together with my little brother would like to verbally express our love for him within the atmosphere of a prayerful family sharing period. We hadn’t expressed this word to him yet, and little did our actions too. I believe, as what I had expressed to my parents that this will contribute a lot to the healing of his current illness: head pains that no physician could ever identify except his psychiatrist. I believed, we believed, this was what he finally needed for recovery. For He too, like me, had been in trouble with the family’s rigidity. But concretely, this would never be easy; we knew him; I personally knew him since I, who was only a year younger, grew up with him so closely; a characteristic one needs to be so prudent and sensitive in approaching. We had failed before; we sent a priest to talk to him but ended up in vain. My parents were so rigid on him (especially during his early years of turning away) that he resisted, and even moved away from us physically for years until last year. We had maintained an approach since then, as recommended by some priests and friends – to simply let go of our rigidity, let him be, and still let him feel that he was loved, supported, and a great part of the family though he had gone away. Yet, the rigidity was still present, and the family seminar sharing became an even wider eye and heart-opener. Thanks be to God!
Now that he was already home with us for almost a year now, we had expressed a different approach; with the same, and even deeper expressions of prudence and sensitivity. Yet still in my heart, seeing the context at home as Christmas was approaching, I opened my arms wide to the will of the Father – I will still be open to possibilities. Things might not happen according to what had been planned, but as long as it was discerned in my heart that whatever happened in our striving, it would still be His Will that will be done. Situation-wise, no prayer-sharing happened on December 25. The place (we spent that day on our farmland in Baliangao where he was asked by his doctor to stay there for medical reasons) was not that conducive or fitting for the set intimate family moment. We realized there are lots of people there and the need was not that compatible that somehow lessened the possibility for such a private gathering. Instead, God allowed and blessed a different kind of sharing. Not just on that day but even before that day until January 2, His plan was working behind every move we made. For it was rather a sharing of actions that spoke louder than words that time. It was so unbelievable to see and experience how Manoy had changed a lot these days! It was so awesome! Indeed, how mysterious God’s ways were, He filled up spaces. My thanksgiving was overflowing, it was more than words!
It all started when as we were about to leave the seminary after the Family Day, he asked me through text messages that if possible, my parents could buy the guitar he dreamt of, the one he saw in Iligan 2 years ago. But as we looked at the price, it had gone so high, almost thrice the price it had few years ago. Though worried that it might hurt his feelings again and would then think we hadn’t granted his few wishes, I still pursued in telling him prudently through a call that we couldn’t afford to buy the guitar. Thankfully, though he expressed a bit of sadness, he assured he was still fine. From the Family Day, I already expressed to my parents how they (we) acted to him that could have hurt his feelings before; and how we must act, this time: To simply love and accept him as he is now, free of all pressures and rigidity. “There’s more than Math, there’s more than engineering in him...” as Fr. Nilo reminded me. Then, my heart suddenly beat a preparation as we reached home in Dapitan: I, together with my little brother, went to a music center in Dipolog and agreed on a very wonderful quality-marked guitar, yet in a different design and lesser price than his dream one. We decided to buy it through the savings that we had and planned to give it to Manoy, and this time, as a gift, a surprise gift from the 2 of us this Christmas. This was another first time for the 2 of us to give a gift to our Manoy. And what was so special was that, we wrote in a greeting card a very touching message for him, all that I wished to say to him, the very words that I had wished to express to him; how much we, his brothers, LOVE him so much…that he was, is and will always be our idol. And on that awaited day, though I was worried that he might not like it since it wasn’t his dream guitar, we gave it him to his surprise. And what was so moving was that when he opened the wrapped gift and played it, he said it had the best quality, matched the guitar he dreamt of, and he loved it very, very much! Though he never verbally uttered the word “Thank you” words (we understood him already since before, he’s not that verbal), after receiving the gift and read the greeting card, I could see in his eyes how happy he was! I could see in his happy, transformed face how he savored in his deepest core the very words we wrote on the card. And when we saw him happy, we too got a share of it. Miraculously, Manoy has really changed a lot now, not anymore the same Manoy we (brothers) knew before as strict and loner. He smiles now, he converses now, he goes outside now and socializes, he exercises now, and the most remarkable was that, he plays the guitar and sings with us, his 2 brothers, now – a memorable first time event that had been happening surprisingly these days.. I never lose hope though we hadn’t actualized the plan, but see how things happened? It was even four-fold! See how we did our best, and God did the rest!
Then, I thought of the activity on the coming New Year. Another related event(s) happened during the New Year, not the planned one again. But such activity, so Spirit-filled that it even more and more flared our hopeful hearts up! The very fact that he went with us to Iligan City (in our ancestral home) as we traditionally did every New Year (as he was not used to do before especially now that he had an illness) made our hearts leap for joy. His stay with us even for just a couple of days was unbelievable; it was like a dream that I wished I would never wake up: We (the 3 of us) sang songs together, we laughed, we sat beside each other and talk – no religious sects; we even understood each other now regarding that. Then came the last few seconds before New Year; and for the first time in our Family New Year history, given the best situation, time, and mood, we greeted 2009, not with firecrackers and coins-throwing, but with a family prayer. We closed doors for a while, and knelt before the altar. The atmosphere was so emotional, so Spirit-filled! And what was so glorifying was that, in our hearts, each of us could feel it, were so much filled with the deepest joy we ever experienced as a family. For during the prayer, each of us never uttered the words we used to strenuously say before, “Mobalik na unta si Manoy…”, but what was dominant was the word THANKSGIVING! Thanksgiving, because though we are not still that whole, we, I was still so thankful to God for what had been happening to our family now; to be as a whole family back is so very, very, very close to realization already! We could feel our hearts burning for it! I could not help but thank God for it in full tears before our old altar (where we used to gather as a family before). Gratitude and imminent hope and promise triumphed over rigidity and pressure! “It is the Lord!” I remembered my being a shepherd carrying the baby Jesus on my contemplation during the retreat. Indeed, it was Him that my family celebrated in those treasured days. For each of us were now whispering in great joy, assured and hopeful, “Manoy has come back! Manoy has come back!” And for the first time that night, so moving, that for my whole 25 years of existence, we had our first ever picture complete as a whole family! And the masterpiece was full of smiles, and the smiles, if one looks at them, expressed that each of us had received the greatest Christmas gift from the very Gift Himself: “That we are a family again, so close, very close to be whole again!” I will develop a large size of it, frame it and hang it right inside our house. I will even soon post the picture as my Friendster’s primary photo to tell the whole wide world that it was because of Christ that we were getting so close in getting back to being totally whole again as a family.
Yes, the supposed plan was not yet actualized, I’m still looking forward to doing it soon, why rush then. Healing, I believe, takes time, quality time…mama resonated. I remembered her before telling me that she would never lose hope; now, look at what she had hoped for!
Manoy still have the marks of his past, as well as his two younger brothers. Mama and Papa still have the marks of the rigid backgrounds and orientations. Yet, the first times we had, the best times, had begun, it will never be too late anymore. And there’s no reason for me to lose hope. Hopelessness could never quench the fire burning fervently in my heart now!
Now let me go back to the One and the place all these things had taken root.
“Thank you Lord for bringing me here in the seminary, for letting me experience what it takes to be a true Galilean”. For without God through Vianney, I could never have realized such WORTH from Him; only in Vianney…only in GY…only with my formators, batch mates, and the people I met did I find a true family in my own family and in families I will soon be with. And He never forsakes, “Take all my will Oh Lord! Your love and grace is much enough for me…see what you have given next, dear One: EVERYTHING FOLLOWS! Indeed, it is the Lord!

LEONILO A.DAGPIN, JR.
January 6, 2009

"SUGNOD" (firewood)

SUGNOD
“Get all my will oh Lord, please help me get them! I offer them to you; use them oh Lord! Will me! I give you everything Lord! I’m just so self-centered! I always do what I will and here I am frustrated again!” Personal issues weren’t far from my retreat.
GRATITUDE – foaming, brimming, and overflowing. God is sooo full of surprises. It was the gratitude rooted in WORTH! – and no longer just an ordinary 5-letter word for me. It was primarily my lack and yet given and even rooted in the context of LOVE! So how could every thing not flow from it! The serenity of the place and in the stillness of my heart, God showed every worth in a slow, soaking, deep-penetrating pace, so that every time I savor them, I could not help but smile.
Well, how could I not! The typical Jun who just couldn’t be set apart from his low-esteem; who couldn’t forget his Grade 1 and 3 scam and theft; who, due to asthma, gave in to the attractive façade of the “world” to boast and compensate; who just recently indirectly rejected his father; in short, a speck of dust – was acknowledged and given the WORTH from One’s activity and sacrifice of life.
One overflowing worth…manifested in three degrees during my retreat… The first week expressed such. Because of that worth, as early as November 2, helpless tears of deepest begging spontaneously cried out the very words mentioned above when I tend to get away from sacrificing my own will to Him. Because of that worth, I was able to see how I was called even before I was born, put me in the right generation, race and time, packed me with gifts and talents. Because of that worth, Jesus cried and endured death for my shame of sin. Because of that worth, He never ceased to wait when I was so prodigal. Because of that worth, he didn’t send me to hell through the family I have now. And because of that worth, he led me back to the basics: how to need (spiritual poverty) and give (actual poverty).
The first few days of the second week that enkindled the deeper manifestation of worth in my whole person showed how my being a servant deeply revealed the true Mary and Joseph who shed tears of both reverential fear and joyful humility. And it was the “shepherd” in me, poorest and lowliest, that the ever-widest coverage of God’s love was revealed through the Child in the manger. And yet, the other sway of the swing, the other standard, made its moves felt. Looking at the remarkable characteristic of the Holy Family, a desire to have a family like that, made me compare mine with them. But the greatest Standard prevailed! They expressed through their very words and deeds how simple people boost and value the basic love and goodness in me and in my family.
This time, the third manifestation of worth was expressed through another word – FRIENDSHIP! And this was, is, and will be it; the best friendship I ever experienced. No other matched such one. For basically, all other friendships are based on Jesus’ friendship to each one – to me! See how he invited me to be with him as he left home to respond to a growing and brimming, irresistible, flaming heart to the will of Abba; how he assured me of the presence of the Father, Son and Spirit within me on the Jordan event; how we embraced with so much joy and companionship after a successful 40-day retreat; how he taught me to transform pride to humility during Peter’s call; how he actualized the worth of a child when he enjoyed playing with children; how he cried pitifully and embraced me when he raised my “Lazarus”; how he expressed emotions as he foretold his death, plead to carry my cross, and assured me of hope and renewal; how he laughed while I danced and praised with the crowd during his triumphal entry at Jerusalem; how I took a few puffs of my inhaler after a trembling and cringing moment during the turning and throwing of tables at the temple; how I, in the most passive moments, gazed and empathized with so much pity on the very human Jesus as he cried and trembled in weakening feet during the “pamilin-bilin” moments; how he showed a weary, bloody, and dirty face and body as he went through the wild roads to the mount; how he cried in deep pain when the soldier hit even more forcefully the hammer as I shouted and pleaded for a stop; how I saw the last tiny smile and stream of tears after I emotionally and whole-heartedly kissed his badly-bruised toe; how I rushed after a moving dinner to be with him on the last few seconds of his life! Just when our friendship became so intimate and “at-home”…he died. Just when I appreciated and gave-in with love to the Father’s will through a deepening eagerness to pray despite a tight daily schedule…he died. That was the emptiest heart I ever felt! No one would chat with me on bedtimes anymore; greet “Good morning!”; no one to ask, “Saan na naman tayo ngayon Lord?!” eagerly anymore. He let me feel through his grace; the grace I asked for the whole retreat, how to feel and use the heart, over the typical Jun who used to rationalize things. If only I said “Yes!” to the companionship he offered before, “Simba ta Jun!”. And when he, already coughing blood on the cross, uttered the words, “Friends na tayo Jun ha…” during a particular repetition of his death, my sinful state just uttered helplessly, “Lord..it’s already too late…you are dying…” No one already answered when I looked up at the lifeless corpse, and when I regretfully struck a few times the stone door, “ Amigo na ta Lord! Amigo na ta!” Just imagine, he experienced all those unimaginable things for men to do; did the initiative to really call me to his friendship through that way! – for me! Just because of that “Busy ko!” Who was I?! That even during such passions, the other sway of the swing surfaced again. The “master” in me reacted, “Lord, why do you do that? That only for servants!” when he washed my feet; the “liberty to choose comfort” in me just ‘slept’ and didn’t even shed a tear during his agony in the garden; the “di-palulupig” in me cried out, “Retaliate Lord!” when he was slapped and beaten by the priests and people; the “flesh over spirit” in me made me thought he would not strive to lift his body and rise after a heavy scourging and cross. BUT HE DIDN’T!” This time, he made me realize what real servant hood was and is all about; what sacrificing the comfort of one’s own will to the Father’s was and is all about; what non-violence was and is all about; what faithfulness until the end through holding on to the Spirit even though the flesh is weak.
Then, on that particular dawn, indeed, evil never and will never prevail! How graced I was to really witness with all my senses, my whole being, when he revealed with Mary and me, and showed the signature smile and embrace of the human and glorified divine Jesus; how I joked in the at-homeness of my heart to Jesus, “Nakakabaliw ka na man Lord pag nagco-console ka!” when I was able to relate my resurrection experience with mother, Magdalene, my Emmaus buddy, and with the disciples! And now, just as how the disciples’ face became so unstoppable and powerful after the assurance of his presence “to the end of the age”, my heart, too, was so fueled with burning passion and eagerness to “love his sheep”. And this love was no longer an ordinary 4-letter word, but a reminiscing and savoring of the friendship so that I may be able to experience them with others, the unworthy and not just mere words.
And in the “coliseum” with the choir of angels and innumerable saints around the Triune God, I finally fell down on my knees and stretched out my hands! Invigorated and “handa nang sumabak”, I don’t have to boast and exhibit! For though they give me a pleasing face to people, now I realized, it didn’t and won’t last. For behind such compensations of pride, boastfulness, honor, riches – I still ended up empty, cold, and naked, in self-pity and low esteem. The “world” does not know how I helplessly prayed for strength and courage since I could not do such things all by myself; that I am nothing before God; and cannot do things without Him. And what made it more tempting yet challenging when the “world” knew and taunted me, “Ah, talawan man diay gihapon ka Jun! Sangpit man diay gihapon ka’g Ginoo! Pila ra man unta toy pagpasikat, ikaw pay mabulahan!”
It doesn’t matter now, for it is this God who, in my coldness and nakedness, has clothed me with worth and love that never and will never end! Thus it’s time to let go and let God use and will them! So, Lord, LOVE and GRACE – is more than enough Lord, please grant them to me, ‘yan lang Lord” Love and grace summarized in your presence of friendship with me. Your presence lang Lord, you as in you lang, then I would never feel empty even when I get poor and suffer. When I was with you, even before you were born, with your parents – I was poor. When we went out to the ministry, I didn’t bring any thing – but I was happy, so happy and secured and warm whenever you are with me. Use my liberty, my memory, my understanding, my will! Bahala na magkasugat-sugat ‘tong mga daliri ko sa paggi-gitara, lahat ng ito ay para sa ‘yo! Your presence lang Lord, enough for me; so that I may use all that I have and act according to the purpose you wished me to do. Use all I have Lord – even my very life as avenues, as instruments to make you present in my being and action. As regards the Jun now, yes, still the same, but let me express the transformation through this song, “Because of You my life has and will change, thank you for the love and joy/grace you bring…I feel no shame, I’ll tell the world (through pondering and actions, not boasting) it’s because of You!” And in connection with his final “pamilin-bilin”, “Jun, ‘wag mo kalimutan pagsasamahan natin ha!” Yes, Lord, I will be your priest; I will LOVE your sheep! Gatungan mo puso kong nagliliyab!
How Jun? Continuing the faithfulness and generosity to PRAYER and my friends in the Lord – they are renewal of license, my constant firewood, SUGNOD. And as Fr. Arrupe expressed, “It will decide everything”; shared with my flaming heart’s words, “…and everything follows”.
With that, Oh lord, see how rich I and Your Church will become! Praise God! All these things are for You dear Friend and Lord! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!


LEONILO A. DAGPIN, JR.
December 10. 2008

THE GIFT

The dozen days had it all: New bonds of friendship, shaking relationships, laughter, tears, singing, dryness, energy, drains, freedom, tension, art, mere words, denials, realizations, pressures, and challenges. Truly, alongside energy was tension. Yes, I experienced pressure, but it never had the last word, for beneath such tension was GRACE; it took the victor’s crown, ‘Twas Grace In the Finals!
Well, how could I not express such joyful awe and appreciation when even as early as now, I could already see and feel how a house will be standing in solid ground with sturdy structures that will firmly hold the beauty of art portrayed on its exteriors – simply because all the needed materials are complete, even more and nothing less! The “nails” of weekly modules and orientations were strong and unbreakable. And here came two separate “hardwood bars”: the hospital ministry and the PSI. Yes, at first, I thought the two would not become a good pair to form a “column” (pillar). But as the building grows, it was then that I realized how my “hammer” of inner struggles, feelings, and experiences (provided the aid of the “nails”) became instrumental in the union and connection of such strong beams. And let me not set aside how the Great Designer-Architect allowed and guided the hands of the “mason builders”-formators to carefully and whole-heartedly make use of the “hammer”. My realization of a repressed anger during the hospital ministry evaluation was never left behind. It was even more deeply affirmed and accompanied by the PSI. The salutation, appreciation, and praise I gave to the formation team during the hospital ministry were even more kindled during the PSI. Praise God, the “mason builders” really got it right!
But of course, such uplift of spirit was not without its struggles. The process itself was tedious: Eyes had to be moistened, lips had to quiver, and body had to be drained. FROM light preliminary activities of showing and presenting the images of vocation and talents I usually portray INTO searching deeper the awareness of the conscious and unconscious needs enlivened by the catharsis, EPPS, and Transcendence evaluations – then came the chattering voices from within, “Why am I like this?!”, I don’t believe on the EPPS results!”, “Why invalid?!”, “Why low-esteem?!”, “Me! An exhibitionist?!”, “Why can’t I just simply shout and cry out these angry beasts within?!” “Why can’t I be angry at them?!”, “Why?...How come?!...” Yes, it was a difficult struggle; my whole body even got numb, and I almost got into trouble with my just-recuperating lung malfunctions. But, my first impression never lasted. Thank God! There was a fantastic “mason worker” team, specifically Ate Eva! With her careful use of my “hammer” as she professionally and spiritually read between the lines of my results, my rebellious “owws?!” became an enlightened “ahhh!” With her aid in slowly and gradually removing the cloth which wrapped my kid’s mouth and the chains that bound his hand, he is now slowly speaking and expressing up all the suppressed, un-uttered voices. He needs me to befriend and re-parent his vulnerabilities. And my growing awareness in being careful in my choice of words in papers from this time on – is a very good start.
And with the PSI’s concluding challenge of harmonizing the transcendental values I hold into the ideals of how, what, and where I will be in the near future, the risk of opening up my self to formation is getting deeper and deeper. The concluding prayerful atmosphere itself assures me that in all these complexities, Christ is “before, behind, within, over, around us and under our feet…” The Architect envisions a house that he always dreams of.
Yes, the “happily-ever-after” story does not end here yet…there is still some rocky ways to go; I may still be on the rise and fall on the different levels in the naming, claiming and taming acts; my tears were not yet dry; my eyebrows will still meet in anger – but the Architect-Designer, through the hands of the mason-workers-formators have done their undivided parts and contributions; I too am striving now to do mine and cooperate…Then I even more deeply be assured to see only “one set of footprints in the sand”.
As I face the 30-day retreat, I’ll bring with me a “shovel” and work with it. For it is then that I’ll be digging a deep hole good enough for the pillars of my “house” to have its Very Solid Ground Foundation that soon no storm could ever break.
Everything that happened and will happen here is indeed THE GIFT, and it is in this gift that the True Gold Is Found!

LEONILO A. DAGPIN, JR.
October 8, 2008